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THE JOKE PAGE ! :P
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KIHON:
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0 post
17-Jun-2007
12:40 AM
Post all your favourite """CLEAN"""" Jokes here kids:
Here's one of my favourites:

THE IRISHMAN AND THE ELEPHANT

An Irishman went to London for a visit to the zoo. While there, he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant could look at a person and tell that person's age. The Irishman was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms.

The man had the elephant look at a small boy and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times.

"Is that right?" he asked the boy.

"Oh yes," the boy said.

The Irishman was very loud, in his not believing that this was true. The man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot and the people said he was correct. The Irishman got even louder and more abusive toward the man. Finally the man could take it no longer and wagered the Irishman that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The Irishman took him up on the wager.

The elephant looked real close at the Irishman, turned around, raised his tail and cut wind like you wouldn't believe, turned back around and stomped his foot twice. Where upon the Irishman stumbled back and with a sound of disbelief in his voice cried, "BeGabbers, he's right ... farty-two!""



lol Have fun! But keep it clean!

Last Edited on 27-Sep-2007 1:41 AM

lynnette

27 post s
3-Oct-2007
2:33 PM
Most useless inventions in the world!

1...Non stick Cellotape


2...Solar Powered Flash Light


3...A black highlighter pen


4...Glow in the dark sunglasses


5...Inflatable Anchor


6...Smooth Sandpaper


7...Waterproof sponge


8...Waterproof Teabags


9...AC adapter for Solar powered calculators


10..Fireproof Matches


11..Fireproof Cigarettes


12..Battery powered Battery Charger


13..Seatbelts for Motorbikes


14..Hand powered Chainsaw


15..Inflatable Dartboard


16..Silent Alarm Clock


17..A Pedal powered wheelchair


18..Braille Drivers Manual


19..Double sided playing cards


20..Ejector seats for Helicopters
Myspace Layouts
Myspace Layouts

lynnette

28 post s
3-Oct-2007
2:36 PM
30 Ways to Have Fun at the Expense of Others


Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."


If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.


Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."


Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."


Practice making fax and modem noises.


Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.


Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.


Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."


Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.


Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.


Holler random numbers while someone is counting.


Adjust the background color on your email so that all your email correspondence is in green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."


Staple papers in the middle of the page.


Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.


Honk and wave to strangers.


Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.


TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE..


type only in lowercase.


dont use any punctuation either


Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.


Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."


As much as possible, skip rather than walk.


Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.


Ask people what gender they are.


While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.


Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.


Sing along at the opera.


lynnette

56 post s
6-Nov-2007
1:55 AM
You Might Be A Martial Artist If.....

*You trip, go into a roll and come up in a fighting stance. In church.
*You answer your boss "Kiai".
*You put your hands together in a martial arts bow position (one hand open the other closed) after grace at the dinner table.
*You tie your bathrobe belt in a square knot. Then check to make sure the ends are exactly even.
*You accept change from the cashier using a perfect knife hand with the thumb carefully tucked in.
*Every time you handle a screwdriver or razor knife, etc., you just can't help changing grip from hammer to reverse to flip over to dagger grip etc. And your shop help is standing cautiously far, far away from you.
*When you're outside doing landscaping/gardening you "practice" with all the neat weapons.
*You look for a place to live based on the amount of practice space it provides.
*"GAK! NO! The left side of the bathrobe goes on top...."
*You use various strikes to turn lights off and on.
*You open and close doors with spinning kicks.
*You find yourself practicing bo staff techniques in miniature with your pencil during dull meetings.
*You try to backfist the correct floor button on the inside of the elevator, based on your memory of the button's location, before you get in far enough to see it.
*You notice you never stand with your arms crossed or your hands in your pockets.
*You find yourself practicing stances while standing in lines.
*You bow going into and out of the bathroom.
*You don't use any tools while splitting firewood.
*You are introduced to someone and you bow to greet them.

SENSEI

24 post s
22-May-2008
2:43 PM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Women will never be equal to men?
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

lynnette

132 post s
12-Aug-2008
5:15 PM
Colonoscopy
Current mood: nauseated

Colonoscopy


All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs , "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.


The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work,
The asshole is usually in charge lol.

~Lynnie~

 

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